Introduction to Madness…ME

Welcome.. I believe that seems to be the proper ‘receiving’ to what I can only hope is an enlightening, truth baring, insightful, possibly crazed, informative, perspective and sneak into the complexity of this human writing.

Starting with introducing you to who I am. I am a nonconventional, nontraditional, absolutely paradoxical and nondenominational Christian. I am an addict. From the moment I can recall, being addicted not just to substances, including food, but to emotions, the biggest one, CONTROL. I am an intense, opinionated, analytical, philosophical, fact seeking, heart led individual. I am a fighter, holding hands with different levels of my “mental illness.” Don’t always stomach that phrase too well. Seeing that, in my humbled and experienced opinion, “illness” speaks of some heart breaking, life altering, in all the worse of ways, of a plague that needs to be contained before it “infects’ others, kind of thing.

I am a survivor. A survivor of life. Life being defined by each and every bump, high, low, bruising, shattering, restricting and roller coaster filled with partners in the cart alongside me; some who enjoyed the lower, calming parts of the ride and others, others who thrived out of the fear, anxiety, heart wrenching moments I experienced of it. In these are but the minor pieces of the layers and areas that complete and make me… me.

My journey begins here.. in this place of self exploration. In this place where you don’t see me, and I don’t see you… yet, you experience me, in all my good/bad/ugly/hardship/inner conflict, inner turmoil, inner peace, and joy. You experience ALL of me, in all my bare nakedness.. all that without “seeing” me. I can only hope that this is the beginning of a journey you will embark in along side me.. and know that, this is the place where I will have no filter, no boundaries, no editing, no man pleasing, no conforming to the cage in which religion, psychology, a diagnosis, a therapist, a preacher or a legalistic community wants to lock me in. A safe place. Not just for ME but for YOU.

So, yes…. WELCOME all and everyone… my addicts, my food addicts, my gays, my lesbians, my transgender, my lawless rebels, my conformist, my religious, my believers and non believers, my atheist, my bi polar, depressed, anxiety filled, DID, self harming, beautifully broken.. ALL and everyone.. just YOU.. WELCOME to my blog.