Welcome Back

It’s been quite some time since we’ve met in this place I call.. my public journal. Much of much has occurred in our journey of life and I think it’s time to begin to explore and expose, or “share”.. if truth is told, it’s a longing and necessity that has been ignited within. This is a lifeline and we are calling on it.

Let us begin our “come back” here: getting to a place of truly examining self and the depths within is the hardest most difficult journey we NEED to embark on!

There’s nothing like getting to a place of realization.. a realization that, I have no idea who I, we, truly are. What lies within? What am I capable of? Do I love myself? Do I care about myself? Do I care to take care of myself? Do I accept myself? Am I enough, for me? Do I find myself worthy of living? Worthy of friendships? Worthy of being loved? Worthy of making the wrongs, rights and growing from it? Worthy of being a mother to a precious child? Worthy of “getting better?” Worthy of doing the work to get to the true authentic self I’ve lost along my path in life? Am I worthy of being accepted or belonging?

If your waiting for the follow up statements to be the responses to any of those questions… spoiler alert.. not happening. You see, this is where a standstill has come.

If I look to my life up to this point, at now 35 years old, those questions and self exploration have been the greatest avoidance I’ve had because they involve acknowledging ME. Visiting the depths of ME. Standing in a spiritual and even physical mirror and absolutely and transparently nip picking the reflection I’m seeing. I haven’t been ready to do that. Not in its totality anyway. So.. why now? That answer I can give.. because after repeatedly visiting the dark abyss of hopelessness and anguish.. being a mom has anchored me and left no choice but to come back up for light and.. though I so deeply desired to, not allow me to dissipate or become extinct within that abyss. Another words, I have no choice but to live and if I’m going to live, I need to be ALIVE.

The journey of exploring, discovering and reframing is leading me, no matter the turns in the million directions.. back to this path… SELF..